Juliet's Blog

    Anyone who knows me pretty well will agree that I have something going on, and I'm not talking about my ravishing good looks. I definitely have some kind of psychic ability- though I'm not sure what to call it or how to describe it. But I got somethin'. With an i, n, apostrophe.
    So now that we got that out of the way, I've only recently started to give a shit so lately I've been trying to read up on psychicness for more information.
    So far I've learned two things:
    1) Clairvoyance or Claircognizance may be what I have, and
    2) Psychic people are out of their fucking minds.

    I'm serious. I'm truly searching and I can't find one book, blog or essay that doesn't start like "I've always known ever since I was a young girl that I've once lived with dragons" or some crazy shit like that - ARE THERE NO NORMAL PSYCHIC PEOPLE??
    I'm not a super skeptic by any means either- I believe in a lot of stuff because basically, if you haven't noticed, this world we live in doesn't exactly make any sense.
    Yet for some reason I have this gut feeling that if you channel your unicorn spirit guide through your chakra you didn't get enough attention as a child.
    So if you got something, if you know things but you don't know how, or you can read people and know things about them when you first meet them, or you can predict things, etc BUT you live a normal life that doesn't involve centaurs, HIT ME UP.

A few days ago I went skydiving for the third time (3 times over a span of about 6 years- with different people and at different locations) and everyone I encounter wants to know what its like, so since I'm now an expert at first-time-skydiving I'll tell you.

Its pretty much the same no matter where you go.

You arrive at the dropzone and there will be a huge field, and some people sitting or standing around in a certain area near some trailers or huts. You'll see portapotties somewhere and wonder if that means there aren't any other "real" bathrooms. There aren't. Just portapotties. You're gonna hear really loud engines of really small airplanes taking off. You'll meet and shake hands with some sporty and rugged dude who's very friendly who will show you to the room/trailer/hangar where you meet someone else who's like "are you ready to go skydiving?" and you're like "yeah!!!" and you make small talk.

Then you watch an instructional video, which features a guy who has a huge long distracting beard (its the same video everywhere) and you won't even know what else gets said on the video because you're just making fun of his beard the whole time. There might also be someone's skydiving video (to show you an example should you want to order a video of your jump) and you're gonna get super excited after watching it.

Now comes the scary part, which is not you jumping out of an airplane.

You are going to fill out legal papers, basically just putting your initials next to each paragraph, but the paragraphs are filled with words and phrases like "loss of limbs" "risk" "decapitation" "equipment malfunction" and "death." Woohoo! Skydiving!
Then you pay, (approx 200 bucks give or take,) and they might weigh you on a scale. They'll ask if you have any questions. They'll ask that a lot, actually.

You go back to the big field where you saw the people and stuff going on, and you'll probably see a couple of small airplanes. There will be cool signs like "Danger: Propeller Area" and you'll probably take a picture of them. At some point everyone will be looking up and you'll see little specks in the sky, then you'll see the parachute open up which will just look like a bright colored speck appearing next to the original speck. As they get closer you'll hear screams of joy and you'll see them land and they'll be acting all crazy because they're so pumped. Then you and the other people waiting to go will look at each other and shit your pants a little.

You'll meet with some dude who will show you how to properly exit the airplane and give you other instructions. Almost none of it really matters. The only thing you have to remember is to keep your hands on your chest when you exit, and then when your instructor taps you a couple seconds later you put your arms out- which you'll be told. Nothing else really matters because you are going to be strapped to your instructor- so wherever he goes, you're going. Its hard to really do anything wrong.

Then you'll meet your skydiving instructor who will also be rugged and friendly with visable tattoos. You'll put on your jumpsuit, which is like the one-piece thing a janitor or mechanic wears except in obnoxious colors. Your instructor will put you in a bunch of straps and buckles and harnesses, and sometimes a soft helmet, which combined with the jumpsuit will make you feel a little invincible.

You make adjustments to the harness and suit, take off any loose jewelry, tie your sneakers tighter, wonder if you should have peed, etc and wait around for a bit, watching other people land.

Then its your turn, and you shit your pants a little more. You walk over to the really loud tiny plane with your instructor and a couple of your friends and their instructors, depending on how many people the plane can fit. You are going to be amazed at how fucking tiny the plane is because you've never been in a plane this small. You crawl in and sit either in front of your instructor's crotch or vice versa. There are no seats on this plane, everyone is on the floor and people's legs are wrapped around other people- but you don't really find it awkward because you're not really paying attention to that aspect.

(The plane ride itself is scary. I love planes and I want to own one so I thought it was awesome. But its definitely not like commercial airline flights. This is a rugged, bumpy, noisy little mini-van with wings. When the plane takes off, you're totally aware- there's nothing smooth about it. When it turns, you tilt with it, etc.)

So you go down the runway and it gets louder and louder and takes off. You look out the window and see the area where you were sitting and the big field get smaller and smaller, then the highway you drove in on, and you look for other things you may recognize. Or you're terrified and avoiding looking out the windows, idunno.

Everyone is going to be shouting in order to be heard over the engine- which makes everything a little more intense. The instructors will be shouting back and forth to the pilot- and shouting instructions to you about exiting the plane again. The plane will have lots of stickers on the inside ceiling/walls- things that say like "AirDogz" or something hard-core skydivey like that.

If you're looking out the window, you're gonna see that youre incredibly high up and depending on the weather you'll be looking down at clouds below you, and you'll assume you're almost there. Then you'll find out you're only half way to altitude and you wait another 7 minutes or so.

Soon everyone is going to be shouting a lot again, and moving quickly and the situation is going to take on a feeling similar to in movies when they shout "Alright let's MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!" before they do something. (Does that make sense? It does to me.)

Your instructor turns you around or tells you to go on your knees, he's behind you now, and you're getting jerked around as he tightens straps and buckles and attaches the two of you together. More shouting. You'll put on your goggles and be told to keep your hands on your chest or holding your harness on your chest- and keep them there from now on.

The instructors and Pilot shout some more verifying that they're ready.

One of them yells "DOOR!", the rest of them yell "DOOR!" back, then the door of the plane, (the same one you used to enter 15 minutes ago on the ground when everything was quiet and normal and familiar) gets flung open. The noise from the plane engine is now twice as loud, the inside of the plane becomes a wind tunnel, and you shit your pants.

WIND. NOISE. NOISE AND WIND.

Now you're in an airplane approx 12,000-14,000 feet in the air - almost 3 miles up- with the plane door open- and you start moving TOWARDS the open plane door, not away from it. Its a little unnatural.

If you're lucky, you won't be going out first- not because it buys you more time to shit yourself but because you'll get to see people (possibly one of your friends) fall out of the airplane you're on and disappear, which is quite an experience in itself.

So you're crouched on the ledge of the open doorway- and you position yourself so that you're ready to fall out. The way this happens depends on the plane and the place you're jumping with- sometimes you're sitting on the ledge with your legs dangling off (or rather your instructor is sitting on the ledge with his legs and you dangling off) and you just fall forward, or there will be a plank jutting out and you have to maneuver so that you can step out with one leg onto the plank (as you can see if you look closely in the other picture above- not the one to the left right now), which is kind of insane, because you spend a couple seconds like outside the airplane before falling and thats weird to just be like hanging onto the outside of a plane.

So its even noisier and windier than before, which you didn't think was possible, and the wind is so strong that it can make your cheeks flap and its pushing your goggles against your face and it feels a little like you can't breathe. How loud and windy it is is hard to describe. Its an excessive amount of wind that is obnoxiously strong.

Since you're strapped to the dude, you don't really have a say in when you fall off the plank or off the ledge or however it happens.

Either way, all of a sudden you get that split second feeling of "shit I lost my balance" and you fall off the plane.

LA LA LA LA LA LA

I'm putting those LAs because the first few seconds after exiting the plane are 100% indescribable. I think the human brain is designed to associate falling out of an airplane with death, because your life flashes before your eyes. Ok not really, but it feels very very weird, because its literally not like anything you've done before, so I guess you don't know what to make of it.

So you fall off the plane, you're brain is like "I DON'T UNDERSTAND I DON'T UNDERSTAND I DON'T UNDERSTAND," and then you feel the taps on your shoulder and you put your arms out and you're now stabilized and falling belly first.

This lasts for another 30 seconds maybe, the wind is so loud you can hardly hear, though you no longer hear the plane engine. You're more "with it" now than you were when first exiting, like you know whats going on. You're looking down at the different color brown and green and gray shapes of land below you which you can just barely see getting bigger and bigger- but very slowly. Its hardly noticeable but you can see it. The wind now definitely makes you feel like you can't breathe, and you'll probably have that watery snot that the wind will push up your nose and kinda feel like when you get water up your nose. And your ears might be popping and hurting. I'm just mentioning this stuff because I've heard people before say skydiving is probably like floating or its relaxing and it really isn't. I'd go with "plummetting" instead of "floating" and "intense" instead of "relaxing."

All of a sudden its like you slam on the breaks and you swing forward so your feet are pointing to the ground and your parachute is open. Everything is peaceful and quiet again, birds are chirping (not really) and you're like WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? Your instructor will let you steer the parachute and you can catch your breath, pop your ears and enjoy the view.

As you approach the ground you'll either land sliding on your butt which sucks or you can land on your feet, either way you have to hold your legs up and he'll let you know which to do as you land.